Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I define my sexuality! To hell with your labels.

 Fair warning: This blog post is about sex and I have a shitload of opinions and thoughts on the matter. I may rant. I may bather. I may even use a few colorful words. If you can stay with me to the end I thank you. Your thoughts on the matter, even if they contradict my own,  will also be greatly appreciated as long as they are intelligently articulated. With or without ranting and colorful words ;-)

Freak, slut, promiscuous,whore, nypmh, prude, chaste, pure, dirty, frigid, and tease. What do these seemingly different words have in common? They are all bullshit labels that I have very little use for. I'm a human being. I'm a woman. I'm black. I'm a mother. I'm a partner. I'm a citizen. I'm a sexual person. I have sex and I alone define my sexuality. I do not let the bible, men, society, or any other women dictate ANYTHING I do with my body, let alone how I choose to express myself sexually. Nor does my being a feminist preclude me from both expressing my sexuality or being a sexual person.

There is a myth going around, that being a feminist means you hate men and loathe sex. Or if you did have sex you only did it with other women. The horror! The kicker is, if you do like sex, hetero or otherwise, and choose to engage in it outside the prescribed feminine limits, you are a blah, blah, blah, see the top of this post and fill in the blahs. Obviously I reject that notion and any other socially engineered construct that dictates how I'm suppose to behave as a woman. I especially reject any bullshit double standards. You know, like ones that celebrates a man for an action that a woman would be vilified for. Sex before marriage? Go fourth sowing thy wild oats young man! Sex before marriage? Woman thy art loosed!!! Don't forget to fill in those blahs! Oh and side note: I've often wondered about the status of the women helping these young men sow their frigging wild oats? Whores you say? Or is it chaste unsuspecting virgins? Shit, either way no props for that huh? 

We can chalk up these labels up to our shitty roots as a society. These are the roots that tell us woe to any woman that opens her legs for anything but pleasing her husband and birthing his seed. Oh for good measure let's not forget that any woman who has her legs forcibly opened more than likely had it coming. Again, fill in the blahs. Enjoying sex outside of marriage and sadly for some, within marriage, is expressly forbidden. This bullshit sometimes trickles down to the seemingly strongest of women who slut shame others because of her job (stripper), because of her sexual status (multiple partners), or because of her dress (fill in the fucking blahs).  This pains me the most. I can't believe in this day and age we still use these labels as women to describe one another. I can't believe that in this day and age we use these labels to describe ourselves. It's bad enough we have to fight men on this, but each other. Nooooo!

So, not that it's any persons business, but I am inclined to share;  I like sex. Currently, I'm liking it with one man. The man I've been with for nearly 9yrs. Unmarried with children. Before him I liked sex too. With many people. Before that I liked sex with my ex-husband and at the time only with him. I imagine I'll like sex until I'm dead or just too old to do it anymore.  What exactly does all this make me? Well, it's not really up to you to say. I define my sexuality. To hell with your labels. 

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